Crumbling wall

This game is a double sword. I feel as though I have to pick sides to this whole mess. Why can't we all just be happy and get along? Is this what dad would have wanted? No, but it's how it turned out. I know I can't do anything to fix the problem because what is done is done. Hopefully once day in the far future it will be resolved. 

Why do I feel as though I am hiding when I want to talk to one of you infront of the other, because I am. I feel alone and sad because what we had is ruined. The wall has come crumbling down and there is nothing that can fix it. I give up trying to please you guys if all you do is abandon me. I am through, no more. I am sorry it had to happen this way. 

Break Ups, Make Ups and Bullcrap

Did you really just tell me to go fudge myself and then tell me I was the rude one? Excuse me but I believe you need a reality check, was I not the one who put up with all your shit and been there for you through the ups and downs. 

I am sorry that this had to happen to you and I get that you're mad, but you don't have the right to take that anger out on me. I know it's hard and I'm not trying to make this about me like you say I always do, but you're not only one. 

It sucks it did not work out between us, I wish it did because I was able to open up and trust you. I shouldn't say I can't trust you anymore, the feeling just isn't the same. 

We've both ruined friendships because of our relationship, mine seem to be more messed up though. The point is I didn't care if that certain group of people didn't like you, it was up to me to make the decision. I don't regret anything about what happened between us, if anything I am grateful because you taught me so much. We had our moments of anger and the greatest ones of being happy. 

You were my first boyfriend. I don't know if I can say first love because I don't even know what love is. I know we said it so many times, but did we really mean it? Yeah there must have been times when we really did, though other times were just because we wanted to feel that safe security and hear the other say it. 

Please if you only take one thing out of those times we sent together let it be that your were the one I felt safe with, felt the most joy, showed me that it is okay to open up and be yourself no matter what. Things will be different without you around but life goes on. Hopefully someday we will be able to remain close and fix this messed up friendship that is going on right now. Remember I like you. 

Warring Relationships

In a world where there is war and love, where is the happy medium? Is it with your family, a lover, your enemy, a friend, yourself, or behind a closed door. How is it that with your enemies you can rip them from lim to lim, but with those closest to you you cannot see them hurt? Your enemy is someone else's close friend or family member. Yet how is it when you were once so close to someone they can go ahead and hurt you as though you are their enemy?

Life is a vicious cycle, with its ups and downs, but why do the down seem to last longer than the ups and have more of an emotional tole of our lives. Not only do the downs affect us and who we are, but they affect the relationship we have with the people close to us. One cannot explain as to why we feel like this, it just seems to happen and its out of our control.

Will we ever be able to find the happy medium and no longer have to put on our armor to fight the battles? 

Real or Fake?

Why is it when we are down and sad our friends want the best for us but when we are happy they do not feel the same? Or when you finally have something you've wanted but they do not approve? Wouldn't real friends be so happy for you instead of trying to put you down? So why do they do the exact opposite?

I'm sick of being there for everyone else but then having no one there for me in return. They say they are looking out for my best interstate but in reality they are only looking to put me down. If they were a true friend they would allow for me to experience life and then when everything gets messed up they would be there as a shoulder to lean on.

I am over it and their fake ways. I've learned you have to be there for yourself and no one else can help you. It's like that scene from Mean Girls, girls are vicious animals who want to kill each other. Keep your head up and be on your guard. 

Time and Space

Why do we rely on others to do so much for us, when we are the ones who end up doing it the way we want it in the end? Why do we stress over the little things but do not flinch in the face of the big things? Why is it when we feel close to someone we push away? Why try and be someone we're not? Why ask why and worry on a daily basis?

This is life and no matter what is thrown at us we need to get up and deal with it. The real world is not a place for fooling around in the work place or acting irresponsibly in public. There is the time and space for growth happen in life, but when will it happen?

Life is something that we need to allow to happen. The pieces will fall the way the should and not be forced on because we want them to. There is a plan in our lives, not one that is picked right away, but one that grows in time with us.

Put your life in cruise control and allow your life to follow into place the way it was meant to.

Love or Infatuation?

Independent is the way to go. In this day and era, so many girls seem to rely on a guy to make them happy. What is so special about this guy? You guys have your fights, make up and do it all over again. Teens nowadays seem to say "I love you" to the first person they meet, and it is mostly only after a week or a month. Stop. You do not even fully know that person, you probably know a little about them but not the full truth. 

Also how the heck do you know what love is? He is your first boyfriend not your husband you have been married to for many years. The only love you know is your parents love, and that is not even close to the relationship love.

I have not experienced love, nor have I really ever been in a relationship with a guy, but hearing others say it to one another makes me wonder. I start to wonder, what makes us say this silly eight letter statement? And honestly I do not have an answer, all I know is that we are too young and too naive to think we know what love is. We need to let ourselves find who we really are before we can find that one special person who we truly love. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love

Summer Stressing

With summer vastly approaching, all us teens cannot wait to be out of school and at the beach or chilling by the pool with our friends. Everyone seems to be in the summer mood and are already planning their summer bucket lists. The long nights out, the cute new outfits, the parties, music, flings, and perfect tans.

Summer seems too short to be able to do all the activities one has in mind. I know for myself, have my summer is booked with sports, and weeks to spend with my friends. But the most important thing I need is a job, I am so close to getting my license and I know there is only so much gas money my mom is going to want to spot me. The stress of summer plans can be hard, but in the end it's a blast.

Some of the things listed above are great don’t get me wrong but, at times figuring about the basics and how it will all work it can be a pain.

How about the school work, I thought summer was a time to be free of school. It is always nice to lay down in the sun, but with a book that interests you and not one that you should be forced into reading. Luckily for me, I have only had to read one book that was not pleasing, I just sucked it up and read it.

This summer I'm just going to sit back, relax and soak in the sun because before I know it, junior year will be here in a flash.